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By CSI: Miami.

There are 57 quotes by CSI: Miami in our database:


Alright, be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape.
(Horatio).

Alexx: No hair at the underarm, but pronounced hair on the knuckles.
Horatio: So, what are you saying?
Alexx: What I'm saying is I'm not an anthropologist. It could be a large woman or a small man.
(Alexx & Horatio).

Suspect: I swear. I didn't touch her.
Calleigh: You don't have to touch somebody to shoot 'em.
(Calleigh questions a suspect).

Man: What killed that guy?
Speedle: He had gas.
(Speed explains how someone died from carbon monoxide poisoning).

Why's it always gotta be in the toilet?
(Speed whines about looking for evidence in unpleasant places).

Tomorrow's what you make of it.
(Horatio).

In the future, if you're gonna watch somebody's back, let me know about it so I can watch yours.
(Horatio to Eric about helping Frank; Bait).

Horatio: You're saying she married for love?
Calleigh: I know. Wonders never cease.
(Horatio & Calleigh).

Come on, don't you guys have some gizmo to track this thing? That blue light with the buzzers and bells or that mass-spectro-detecto-whatever-you-call-it thingy?
(Frank Tripp to Horatio).

Calleigh: Yeah, but you know, I was thinking. If he hadn't stolen from the mob, then he never would have become a beach bum in Florida and then he never would have got picked up by the hurricane. Then if he hadn't got picked up by the hurricane he would have never hit Burton's car, and if it wasn't for hitting Burton's car, Burton would have gotten away with murder.
Eric: (Smiling) Leave it to you, Calleigh, to find something good to come out of a hurricane.
Calleigh: (Smiling) They do alleviate global warming.
Speedle: (to Eric) She's way too cheerful.
(Calleigh, Eric & Speed talk about being positive).

Calleigh: That smells good.
Eric: What, cafe Cubano? Put some hair on your chest.
Calleigh: Don't you just say the sweetest things.
(Eric & Calleigh; Losing Face).

I love my job.
(Calleigh walks into a gun vault, smiles and sighs).

Eric: What's your plan B?
Calleigh: Gun Vault.
(enters gun vault, smiles, and sighs)
Calleigh: Be still my heart.
(Calleigh loves her job).

I feel like a hummingbird on six cups of coffee.
(Calleigh; Dispo Day).

Alexx... He doesn't have a head. Where'd the head go?
(Ryan observes a post exam; Speed Kills).

Speedle: The only way to outrun a gator is to swim faster than the guy next to you. Isn't that right, Delko?
Eric: (to Catherine and Warrick) I used to have a partner.
(Eric & Speed teach the guys from Vegas about true danger; Cross Jurisdictions).

Is this hot enough for you or do you want to see my weapons permit?
(Calleigh; Spring Break).

Why anyone needs to prove that evil exists is beyond me.
(Speed; A Horrible Mind).

Dale. Dale? Are you a sexual predator?
(Horatio does not beat around the bush).

If you ever touch her again, I'm going to kill you.
(Horatio to Stetler about Yelina; Crime Wave).

Speedle: Sir, can you read the yellow tape there? It says 'crime scene.'
Ted: Hey, I got a permit to be here.
Speedle: Ohhhhh, you've got a permit!
Ted: Yeah, that's right. From Parks and Rec.
Speedle: (getting out cellphone) Well, I'm going to let you tell that to the parents of the girl who got murdered here last night.
Ted: Woah, wait a minute--
Speedle: I'm going to let you tell them that we can't process this crime scene because you have a permit for a party.
Ted: You misunderstood me.
Speedle: Then I'm going to arrest your cheap, tequila-pushing ass, and have you spend the night in lockup, with all the drunk-and-disorderlies, and you can smell the vomit of the fraternity boys.
Ted: You know what man, maybe I should just ah, wait, until you're finished.
Speedle: That's a capital idea, Ted.
(Speed at his finest; Spring Break).

Horatio: Depends whether you like seeing men dress up in your underwear or not.
Calleigh: Personally leather chaps nothing else... That was a joke.
(Horatio & Calleigh discuss fetishes).

Mr. Reynolds: I bet they call you a secretary with a gun when you're not around.
Calleigh: Actually, I type as well as I shoot.
(Calleigh's multitalented; The Score).

Horatio: Alexx, you think they were killed in the crash?
Alexx: Not unless they each crashed into a bullet.
(Horatio & Alexx examine the dead).

Horatio: So what do you get when a six-foot-tall man lays down with a three-foot-long rifle?
Calleigh: Hot flashes... but that's just me.
(Horatio & Calleigh talk some more about fetishes; Kill Zone).

Speedle: You need some help?
Alexx: Nah. I could undress a dead man in my sleep.
Speedle: Leaving that one alone.
(Speed knows when the joke went too far; Not Landing).

Speedle: Hey Megan, did you miss me?
Eric: She actually forgot your name.
(Speed & Delko; Breathless).

Horatio: Killer just made his second mistake.
Yelina: What was his first?
Horatio (in an incredulous tone): His first mistake was murder.
(Horatio & Yelina process a scene; Big Brother).

Valera: ...And at the end of the day he splits nearly 6 million with his partner.
Teen: It isn't 6 million.
Horatio: This is where you say, 'I don't know any Doctor Walton.'
(Horatio & Valera draw the truth out of a suspect).

Ryan: So you're not mad? 'Cause I heard we had a really big fight today.
Calleigh (with a brilliant smile): Don't believe everything you hear.
(Ryan & Calleigh make up after an argument; Deviant).

Horatio: Looks like you didn't need me after all.
Yelina: That's not true... and that will never be true.
(Horatio & Yelina).

Suspect: So, I'm human.
Horatio: Yes, too bad there's not a swab to prove that.
(Classic Horatio one-liner).

The next time you want to take a swing at someone, start with me.
(Horatio defends a victim from her attacker; Big Brother).

Are you okay, Walter? That looked like it hurt.
(Horatio, after PUNCHING Walter Resden in the face; Under Suspicion).

Calleigh: Take your clothes off.
Johnny: What?! Why?
Ryan: Because we said so.
Johnny: (Points to Calleigh) Not in front of her, man. That's embarassing.
Ryan: Hey, Delko had to pee in a cup because of you. So strip.
(Calleigh & Ryan process a subject; Shattered).

Horatio (pointing gun): Don't do it! Don't do it!
(The guy takes out a gun anyway. Horatio fires and takes him down, then walks toward the body).
Horatio: They never listen.
(Horatio feels ignored).

Old guy: Betty and I had a very healthy sexual relationship. She was not afraid to try new things.
Calleigh: ...Back to the question, Mr. Reins.
(Calleigh is squicked by a witness; Bunk).

Ryan: Knife missing from this block could be our murder weapon.
Alexx: (sarcastically) Nice work, Ryan. Think you may have cracked the case.
Ryan: Thanks. I have a keen grasp of the obvious.
(Alexx is grudgingly starting to accept the newbie; Hell Night).

Venus: You're hot.
Ryan: Open your mouth.
Venus: Guys usually say please.
Ryan: What's the name of the buckeye state?
Venus: What's a buckeye?
Ryan: Say Ohio.
Venus: Ohi... that's hot.
(Ryan tries to get DNA from an airhead; Legal).

Ryan: Oh, you've got an alibi.
Calleigh: He's got an alibi.
Ryan: We love alibis.
(Ryan & Calleigh question a suspect).

Calleigh: Broken fruit bowl. Looks like there was a fight.
Ryan: Or it could be sex. Haven't you ever pushed aside the dinner plates to get some?
Calleigh: Could you focus on the task at hand, please?
(Ryan's random questions during a scene processing).

Are you stuck on stupid?
(Frank Tripp).

Megan: Nice thing about hair, it grows at an even rate, about a half an inch a month.
Speedle: Gives us a nice time line.
Megan: Yeah, she'd been using antidepressants for the past year, Prozac and Zoloft. Six months ago she smoked some pot.
Speedle: And they say blondes have more fun.
(Megan shows Speed some advanced forensic techniques; Golden Parachute).

Hamilton: You said our entire genetic make-up is in one cell... how do we escape that?
Horatio: Your family? You stop procreating.
(Horatio rids the earth of future scum; Just One Kiss).

Calleigh: There's a morals clause in there that says if you stay clean and sober until you're 21, you get this. (She shows the rich, spoiled suspect a picture of a small island). Breakwater key.
Ryan: That's a whole island, isn't it? Wow. My parents are leaving me their lawnmower.
(Ryan's particular way of questioning a suspect; Legal).

Ryan: I took this criminalist seminar-- Evaluating Evidence-- The visiting lecturer said that the CSI's job is to think outside the box. Sometimes the best tool is the stud attached to your earring, she said... Those are nice earrings, by the way.
Calleigh: You took my class (she smiles).
(Ryan tries to charm his way out of a reprimand; Legal).

Lab tech: ...But the drops you saw on her dress: cranberry juice, vodka and some trace of citrus.
Calleigh: If i'm not mistaken, that's a Cosmopolitan.
Ryan: Total chick drink.
(Calleigh mock glares at him).
Calleigh: There was only one chick on our stall door list.
Ryan (Goes glassy eyed, imitating the airhead): That's hot.
(Our favorite CSIs connect evidence to a suspect; Legal).

Yelina: This is my case. I don't need you to tell me how to run it.
Rebecca: Yours for now, but it's gonna be mine later. Seems like there's a lot of that going around these days.
(Yelina & Rebecca CATFIGHT!; Cop Killer).

Calleigh: So how does a junior homecoming queen end up robbing mini-marts with a guy like Jojo?
Ryan: Well, some women are just attracted to bad boys.
Calleigh (smiling): Oh, really? Do tell.
Ryan: Oh, come on, like you've never been tempted... They're dangerous and unpredictable...
(Calleigh & Ryan discuss women psychology; Cop Killer).

Delko: Have you seen Peter Elliott?
Wolfe: Is that the federal guy with the salt-and-pepper hair? Yeah, he poked his head in, wanted to get to the documents lab.
Delko: And you sent him to the print lab instead, right?
Wolfe: Yeah, of course. (Pause). He's only here for Calleigh anyway.
Delko: Yeah, he's had a thing for Calleigh since the first money case they worked together.
(Eric & Ryan play the overprotective brothers' role on Peter Elliott; Urban Hellraisers).

Michael: (Touches his arm, that was shot when he attempted to break into CSI and steal evidence) It hurts!
Horatio: Real bullets are funny like that, Michael.
(What happens when games are brought to reality; Urban Hellraisers).

Gabe: With good behavior I'll be out in ten years. 30 is the new 20, chief.
Horatio: Inventive.
(The guy's not repentant at all; Urban Hellraisers).

Horatio: We're looking for your friend with the demon mask.
Gabe: If I dime him out that's minus, what, five hundred points?
Horatio: If you don't it's 25 to life.
(Horatio lays out how it is; Urban Hellraisers).

Jose: You're already a dead man.
(Horatio shoots him).
Horatio: Join the club.
(Horatio avenges Marisol).

Eric: (To Speed, holding a dead rat) Hey! Check this out. How did that get from your apartment to there is what I want to know...
Speedle: Yeah, that's funny.
(The boys and their antics; Blood Brothers).

Calleigh: Well when we get close to tool marks and ink processing I'll call you.
Peter Elliott: If you don't, you'll be hearing from my boss down at the Homeland Security Office.
Calleigh (Dryly): Well. I've got goosebumps.
(Calleigh's not afraid of Big Brother; Money for Nothing).

Speedle: What d'you got?
Eric: A car explosion, burn victim, checking for cognac used as an accelerant. Beat that?
Speedle: Yeah. I got a priest shot with a rifle, dead, in a church.
Eric: Not bad.
Speedle: Not bad?
Eric: Not bad.
Speedle: It's at least a draw, you're not gonna beat me with a burned out car.
Megan: Boys and their measuring sticks.
(A little competition never hurt; Ashes to Ashes).