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Saturday Night Live.

There are 8 quotes listed in the Saturday Night Live category:

Oob. Flerm.
--Saturday Night Live (Tina Fey; Weekend Update).

US officials continue the search for Osama Bin Laden. Reports suggest that Bin Laden is most likely somewhere remote and barren, where he will not encounter others. The FBI has begun searching theatres showing the movie 'Glitter.'
--Saturday Night Live (Jimmy Fallon in Weekend Update).

Oh, hi, Pluto. It must really be fun working at Disney. Although at any major theme park, you live under the constant threat of terrorist attacks.
--Saturday Night Live (Debbie Downer).

I can't marry you... I just got Playstation 2, it's very time consuming.
--Saturday Night Live (Jimmy Fallon in Weekend Update).

Licked by Lovitz... what concentric circle of hell is that?
--Saturday Night Live (Dennis Miller is licked by Jon Lovitz).

Dieter: Before we begin, would you like to touch my monkey?
Karl-Heinz Schelker: I would be honored.
Dieter: Touch him! Love him! Liebe meine abschmeenkee.
--Saturday Night Live (Dieter).

Dieter: What is your name?
Exclamation Point: I do not have a formal Christian name. I am called Exclamation Point.
Dieter: Greetings Exclamation Point. I have always wanted to make love to a woman with punctuational nomenclature.
--Saturday Night Live (Dieter).

Joe Piscopo: Good evening. I'm Joe Piscopo. This year marks the 20th anniversary of the death of President John F. Kennedy. We've brought together these three people to share with us their members of the day they learned that President Kennedy had been shot. Jim, let's start with you. What were you doing when you heard President Kennedy had been shot?
Jim Belushi: Well, I was in college and I was walking across the quad to call and this guy runs up and says 'President Kennedy has been shot', so I...
Joe Piscopo: Wait; how old are you?
Jim Belushi: I'm 26. So anyway, I went looking for a TV and...
Joe Piscopo: Wait a minute. You're telling us you were in college at age 6?
Jim Belushi: No, I was 19. Anyway...
Joe Piscopo: Wait a minute! You didn't know President Kennedy had been shot until eight years ago?
Jim Belushi: Well, hey now; you know, I was busy with school and girls and playing sports and stuff and I really wasn't into current events.
Joe Piscopo: I can't believe this. Mary, when did you find out President Kennedy had been shot?
Mary Gross: Well, Joe; in light of what just happened, I'm ashamed to admit that Jim told me right before the show started.
Jim Belushi: What a dork, eh Joe?
Joe Piscopo: I can't believe this! This was one of the most important events of the 20th century and you people are totally clueless!
Tim Kazurinsky: (shocked) Wait a minute! President Kennedy is dead? How? When?
Joe Piscopo: Yes! My God, He was shot in Dallas!
Tim Kazurinsky: Oh, no! No! Please, No!
(Begins crying uncontrollably and hanging onto the other guests)
Tim Kazurinsky: President Kennedy is dead!
Joe Piscopo: This is Joe Piscopo; good night.
--Saturday Night Live ().