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Dead Like Me.

There are 18 quotes listed in the Dead Like Me category:

I'm so smart i'm practically retarded!
--Dead Like Me (Mason).

Do you know what it's like to be cusping on adulthood and not know who you want to be, or even if you want to be? It's ten shades of suck, is what it is.
--Dead Like Me (George; ep. 1x01).

Do either of you work for UPS? Because I couldn't help but notice you checking out my package.
--Dead Like Me (Mason; ep. 1x04).

OK George, 5 reasons men are scum and women let us get away with it. One, we only want one thing, no exceptions. Two, we fall in love with you before we can have that thing and then fall back out once we've had it... whereas women conversely fall in love afterwards. Three, we will lie, cheat, steal or murder in order to get that thing... why am I sugarcoating this? You're a big girl... in order to fuck you. Four, we freely admit the numbers 1 through 3 and women don't care. And the number Five reason why men are scum and women let us get away with it... you can't live without us.
--Dead Like Me (Ray explains men's appeal to George).

Roxy: Are you high?
Mason: I've got illegals in my bottom.
Roxy: Why do you do this to yourself?
Mason: I don't know!
--Dead Like Me (Mason deals drugs in his own unique way).

Mason: OK, what's a line that's worked on you?
Daisy: 'I'm Gary Cooper.'
--Dead Like Me (Mason wants to know the secret to getting inside Daisy's pants).

That's very Zen of you, you must smoke pot.
--Dead Like Me (George).

I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation beget disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals A, or whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed. Bad people are punished by society's laws, and good people are punished by Murphy's Law. So you see my dilemma.
--Dead Like Me (George).

Because you're an ornery bitch who eats puppy dogs for breakfast.
--Dead Like Me (Mason tells Roxy why she can't be nice).

I cannot go out with this Brennan guy, it would never work out. You're a Taurus, he's a Gemini. He's Lutheran, and you're dead. You have to weasel your way out of this, you have to tell him... no.
(sees Fran, flirting with Brennan and playing with his hair)
Oh my god, some slut is stealing my boyfriend!

--Dead Like Me (George).

Roxy, your dress makes me feel funny in my pants.
--Dead Like Me (Mason).

When I was little my mom told me Santa Claus didn't exist, neither did the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy or the Great Pumpkin. Even though she didn't say so specifically, I just sort of assumed that God didn't either.
--Dead Like Me (George; Pilot).

They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the moment before you die? That might be true if you're terminally ill, or your parachute doesn't open… but if death sneaks up on you, the only thing you have time to think is… 'Aw, shit.'
--Dead Like Me (George's voiceover as the toilet seat is about to kill her; Pilot).

Rube: No pearly gates for you, no choirs of angels neither.
George: You dick! You're sending me to hell?!
Rube: Don't flatter yourself. You're not that interesting.
--Dead Like Me (Rube & George; Pilot).

One desperate attempt after another to find something in common with someone else and then cling. 'Hey, you have ten fingers, I have ten fingers, let's be friends. We'll make rules and slogans. Then if we find someone with nine fingers, we can beat the crap out of them.'
--Dead Like Me (George ponders groups; Curious George).

Mason: You're most humbly welcome, Trip. Ooh! When death's dark shadow parted upon us, we cannot help but search for that lightness, Trip, because in that fucking lightness...
Trip: There's an open bar, if you'd like.
Mason: Thanks, man. Yeah... (To George) I like him, he's cool.
--Dead Like Me (Mason offers his condolences; Be Still My Heart).

Mason: What is this vision of loveliness I see before me? Nymph? Angel?
Daisy: Not tonight. You're wearing golf shoes.
Mason: Shut up. No way. Is that what they are? Bloody hell. They're very smart, aren't they? Lovely. I have had the most incredible day. It's been booze, it's been food, it's been petty larceny. It's been absolutely fucking fantastic. Wish you would have been there. I missed you.
Daisy: That's nice.
--Dead Like Me (Mason brings (stolen) gifts; Be Still My Heart).

Mason: I've got something for you as well, Daisy Adair. (Shows her a diamond necklace). Tah-dah!
Daisy: Wow. A girl's best friend.
Mason: Stolen from man's best friend.
Daisy: A dog?
Mason: A really wealthy dog. I thought it might be too small to go around your neck, so you can wear it as a bracelet. Here, let me help you.
Daisy: I love it.
Mason: I love you-- loving it... love.
--Dead Like Me (Mason gives Daisy a necklace to cheer her up; Be Still My Heart).