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Everwood.

There are 41 quotes listed in the Everwood category:


Andy: I'm making some pancakes, you want some?
Ephram: Go to hell!
Andy: That's my boy.
--Everwood (Andy makes breakfast; Pilot).

Ephram: Moving?!
Dr. Brown: Yep, to Everwood, Colorado.
Delia: Where's that?
Ephram (to Delia): Colorado, moron.
--Everwood (Geography lesson for the youngest Brown; Pilot).

Your name is Bright? That's ironic.
--Everwood (Ephram to Bright; Pilot).

Amy: Dad isn't going to find out because you're not going to tell him.
Bright: Oh, aren't I?
Amy: Not if you value all that porn you have stored on your computer. What was the file name again? 'Favorite Biblical Passages'?
--Everwood (Amy doesn't want her dad to know she's hanging out with Ephram; Pilot).

Mr. Greeley: There's a pain in my left leg, just above the knee.
Harold: Is it a throbbing pain or a sharp pain?
Mr. Greeley: Throbbing. No, no, sharp. No, throbbing.
Harold: Un huh. How long have you had it?
Mr. Greeley: About three years.
--Everwood (The inhabitants of Everwood are certainly unique; Pilot).

Harold: Why on earth would my Amy associate with your misfit?
Andy (chipper): Well, he said something about a crack deal.
--Everwood (The joys of teenage friendship; Pilot).

I find it best when dealing with any unfamiliar bully to strike early with sarcasm. It makes them wonder whether I have some secret butt-kicking prowess they're unable to detect.
--Everwood (Ephram explains his secret; Pilot).

Now, I want this to be a democratic decision, so we're going to put this to a vote. Everyone who wants to move... (nobody moves) ...and get their own horse, raise your hand. (Delia raises her hand excitedly).
--Everwood (Andy sure knows how to sell the move; Pilot).

Andy (when Delia accepts to move after being promised a horse): Well, that decides it.
Ephram: Democratic?! You bought her vote!
Andy: Yeah. That's the American version.
--Everwood (Wait until he explains his definition of Capitalism; Pilot).

Andy: Tell Julia to go without me. I'll meet her there.
Nurse Barb: She called already to say she was leaving and asked me to remind you that you're a lousy husband-slash-father.
--Everwood (Wonderful woman, Julia was; Pilot).

That was right on my list of things to do today, right between picking up my dry cleaning and chopping off my hand.
--Everwood (Ephram, about meeting Amy's boyfriend; Pilot).

Andy: How was your day?
Ephram: It was ok, I found out I'm in love with in a girl who's in love with a guy that's in a coma. Other than that it was pretty standard.
--Everwood (Andy & Ephram's version of a heart-to-heart; Pilot).

Boy: Hey, you. My friend here asked you a question.
Ephram: I'm sorry. I didn't understand him. You see, I don't speak dumb-ass. But since you obviously do, maybe you could translate.
--Everwood (Ephram strikes back; Pilot).

Ephram: He said you were crazy. And, uh, news flash! You are. You quit your job and grow this ugly-ass beard. You look like you wear your clothes to bed and you move us to the middle of Nowheresville, USA.! And why? For what reason? Because someone told you it was pretty once? And if that's not enough, you talk to Mom like she's still here. Yeah, I've seen you and Delia too. So what do I have to say for myself? What do you have to say for yourself?
Andy: I can't believe you think my beard is ugly.
--Everwood (Andy has a one-track mind; Pilot).

Ephram: What is that?
Delia: I think it's dinner.
Andy: I found Mom's old recipe book.
Ephram: And you cooked it?
--Everwood (All in awe of Andy's cooking skills; The Great Doctor Brown).

Spoken for? Hey, Bright...The 50s called. They want their lingo back.
--Everwood (Bright warns Ephram to stay away from Amy; The Great Doctor Brown).

I'd like to take a moment and point out that this is by far the weirdest restaurant we've ever been to. And we're from New York City where we're regularly served by drag queens named Frank.
--Everwood (Ephram when the Browns arrive at a Chinese/Italian place; The Great Doctor Brown).

Andy: I was once a happy sack of hormones myself.
Ephram: Gross. Find another sack to share with.
--Everwood (Andy tries to introduce the birds and the bees to Ephram; Friendly Fire).

Nina: No! No ambulance! I'm not having my baby in an ambulance!
Andy: How do you feel about a doughnut shop?
--Everwood (Nina's about to give birth while Andy drives them to the hospital; Friendly Fire).

Ephram: This woman's about to give birth.
Employee: No way. I just mopped.
--Everwood (Nina's taken to a doughnut shop to finish her labor; Friendly Fire).

Ephram: Give me another pot.
Doughnut Shop Employee: What size?
Ephram: Big enough for me to barf in.
--Everwood (Friendly Fire).

Andy: I'm just thinking about something. It's funny actually. Well it's not so much funny 'ha ha' is...you see...the thing is, I don't know whether or not you've ever had sex.
Ephram: And you never will.
Andy: Ok then. Good talking to you.
--Everwood (The Kissing Bridge).

Ephram: Mom used to make banana bread for the bake sales. She didn't frontline any of my sex assemblies.
Andy: Well, you've seen my cooking, I can't do bake sales!
--Everwood (Ephran doesn't want his dad to speak at his school; The Kissing Bridge).

Andy: It's not like I'm trying to ruin your life.
Ephram: You don't have to try. You do it pretty naturally.
--Everwood (The Kissing Bridge).

Stay back. It might have a gun.
--Everwood (Andy warns Ephram about the deer that's wondered onto their front porch; Deer God).

Andy: Yeah, I'll meet you right here by this um... what do you call this landmarky-thing?
Irv: A landmark.
Andy: Right.
--Everwood (Andy and Ephram go out into the wilderness; Deer God).

Ephram: How far back was Mountain Lion Pass?
Andy: Four blisters ago.
--Everwood (Deer God).

Andy: Did you two find God nicely?
Delia: Uh-huh.
Andy: Really? Where was he?
Delia: The gas tank.
Andy: I knew it!
--Everwood (Deer God).

Ephram would hate me in every one of the 48 contiguous states, including Alaska and Hawaii... So we may as well be here.
--Everwood (A friend asks Andy how his kids are doing after the big move; We Hold These Truths).

Oh, I figured I'd finish my math homework... read some comics... eat lunch... fall asleep listening to myself.
--Everwood (Ephram describes his day; We Hold These Truths).

I can tell you this much. If you're lucky enough to meet the right woman, and she's stupid enough to fall in love with you... you hang onto her like a son of a bitch.
--Everwood (Till Death Do Us Part).

Andy: Are you guys cooking?
Delia: We thought you were.
Andy: Really? It smells good.
Ephram: Which is why we were suspcicious.
--Everwood (Turf Wars).

Andy: You know how you usually behave?
Ephram: Distant and miserable?
Andy: Yeah. Do the opposite.
--Everwood (Turf Wars).

Edna: He also walks on water?
Andy: Oh, jogs on it. Does push-ups on it... One handed push-ups.
--Everwood (Andy about his father-in-law; Turf Wars).

Hello, Mr. Bush... so nice and green. I'm your sprinkler. (Snickers). Sprinkler... That's funny. More people should like me.
--Everwood (Ephram is drunk and goes to pee in a bush; Turf Wars).

Jacob: I think we better get you some aspirin.
Ephram: I want a new head... That'd be good.
--Everwood (Ephram's hungover; Turf Wars).

Jacob: Have a drink, doctor.
Harold: No, thank you. I want to be perfectly lucid when my mother arrives. She will be miserable. That will give me great joy.
--Everwood (Is There A Doctor In The House?).

Nina: On a scale from one to ten, how do you like your honesty?
Andy: What?
Nina: Well, I'm trying to tell you how much I think you're being an idiot and I need to know how much to sugarcoat it.
--Everwood (Is There A Doctor In The House?).

Harold: Rose, would you say that I've been a good husband?
Rose: The best, Harold.
Harold: And father?
Rose: The very best.
Harold: Would you say that I'm popular here in Everwood?
Rose: I love you, Harold. Now go to sleep.
--Everwood (A Thanksgiving Tale).

Harold: I am a man who is unloved and will be unmissed when he is gone.
Edna: You are not unloved, junior. It only takes one.
Harold: Mother, that is one of the kindest--
Edna: I meant Rose.
--Everwood (A Thanksgiving Tale).

Amy: How come you're so smart?
Ephram: I'm not, believe me... If I was... I'd be wearing a warmer jacket right now. And I wouldn't be telling you to go back to your boyfriend.
--Everwood (Vegetative State).